The world isn't going to stop for me, I have to keep moving, I can't do anything to stop it or slow it down now. I just want it to pause for just awhile, just for awhile. I run out of breath, I run out of time. But life goes on, life doesn't wait. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't. It's just how things goes, right? At times like these, the days seem so long, the nights seem so cold. What I'm feeling now, I'm not too sure. Lost and insecure? Sometimes I break down and I don't even know why.
Some people, things just seem to always go their way, like everything in life is served to them on a silver platter. Their closest friends never leave, they never seem to have any problems, it just seems so.. Perfect, their life.
I used to stand so tall. I didn't let anything get to me. I never let anybody tell me what to do. Look at me now. Small, with my confidence all gone. I'm not broken. I'm just slightly bruised. Cuts heal and bruises will fade. However, scars remain, and they will always be there. I can cover them up, though. By the number of teeth I show. It is amazing what you can hide just by putting on a smile. You will never ever suspect, and you will never know.
I don't think I'm perfect, I don't think I'm really that great. But I will be there when you need someone. I will, and ask yourself, I was always there, wasn't I? I was trying. Trying. But what about you, have you ever thought about it? I was always there for you, I dare say. What about you for me? Did you even bother to ask? It's like you're right in front of me, but I just cannot seem to find you no matter how hard I look. I don't think words work anymore. Nobody ever listens anyway.
I also don't need people telling me to smile, I don't tell people to smile either, when they're broken. Because it isn't that easy, forcing a smile when you're broken, when you're in tears. I'd know. What I need now is a hug. A warm, warm hug. My pillows and my toys don't hug me back but sometimes they're all I have.
At night is when my mind is most active. Thinking about anything and everything. From what I've done today to how I came to where I am now. I think a lot. Too much. Sometimes I think about the past and break down a little inside. When you think too much, you think about how you got here, how screwed up everything is now. You'll think about the past, thinking how it came to where you are now. Everyday, it seems like nothing is changing. But over a long period of time, you look back and realize. Realize that everything is so different. The only thing you can hold on to now is memories, pictures and nothing more.
After reading this, I'm just guessing, that about 20% of you'll be glad that I've come to this. 79% of you won't bother, and only 1% of you will care.
